Red Car, Blue CarRed Car, red car, red car: blue car, blue car, blue car. The small blond-haired boy bent over the toy cars, intently arranging them in the same pattern again and again. As his mother watched, her face a mixture of fatigue and questioning, she asked herself the same questions she had asked herself so many times. Why the intense fixation over certain toys; the meltdowns, screams over unseen terrors; no response to hugs; so many unfixable behaviors, and most difficult of all, no words, just sounds and small grunts to indicate desires.
As she watched, an image came to her. There is a deep, dark space between us; his thoughts cannot reach me. I cannot comprehend what he wants, what he thinks, how to help him.
The past few years came rushing back, their joy at having their first child, but as time went by, the realization that something was very, very wrong. Tests, doctors, therapists, psychologists, always searching for answers, a way to make Matthew whole, but there were no answers, her marriage slowly disintegrating from stress and lack of attention. Her husband away at work for longer and longer hours.
As she watched the cars being lined up, her small son seemed to take no notice of her. She tried crossing that deep, dark space again. "Matthew, Matthew, where are you?" He looked up. "Mama?" he said.
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I wrote this for a writing contest a few years ago thinking of my grandson and others who have autism. My grandson is high functioning, not the Matthew of this story, and is mainstreamed in high school where he is a sophomore. He is a sweet boy, funny, affectionate, but has problems with social cues and difficulties with math particularly.
Some facts about autism:
- Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
- Autism prevalence figures are growing
- Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.
- Autism costs some families $60,000 a year
- Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
- There is no medical detection or cure for autism
Have you ever read The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon? She has an autistic child and this is a fascinating novel.
ReplyDeleteWill put that on my reading list. Another one is "The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night Time." Thanks, Jo.
DeleteOne day there might be a cure. Who knows what is ahead. Until then we all have to work with those who have autistic children. Help them in any way we can,
ReplyDeleteI think that someday, they will solve the puzzle. More public awareness and helping kids in school have compassion for those who have learning difficulties and are their classmates. Thanks for your comments, Munir.
DeleteDear Nat - I feel for you and the family .. it is so difficult. At least today we can find out more ... that may not help, but at least there is information and more help available - at least here there is:though I think people still have to find it.
ReplyDeleteYour story is telling ... with a little light ... Hilary
Thanks, Hilary. It is hard on my son and his wife, I know. She is a jewel, my son's second wife who took on two step-sons, one with autism, and refers to them as "my kids,"
ReplyDeleteShe sounds amazing ... and how very lucky for you all .. beautiful words ... cheers Hilary
DeleteA very moving post Natasha. I have known some autistic children at a remove (a cousin's adopted child for example). It's a spectrum disease of course and conditions vary tremendously but autistic children are often very bright and sometimes remarkable at 'maths' (as we say in the UK). I work in Mental Health and see many adults with various degrees of the condition who manage extremely well in the 'grown up' world.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter-in-law sounds like a gem!
Listening to Willie Nelson's Funny How Time Slips Away
CLICK HERE for Bazza’s fabulous Blog ‘To Discover Ice’
I think the answer is technology to help these kids, but tailored to each child. In Colorado there is not much help, any counseling, etc. it paid for out of pocket. And therapy dogs! Thanks for your comments. Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She is has Asperger's, a PHD in animal behavior and had a movie written about her life. I have heard her speak and was inspired by her story. Will check out Willie Nelson.
ReplyDeleteWow, I just listened to W. N. and remembered how much I liked him. "I Never Cared For You," is one that I had not heard before, very Latin, very interesting. And how that beat-up guitar can play! But the lyrics of "Funny How Time Slips Away" is very telling. Thanks, Bazza. (Music also helps kids with autism. My grandson likes Mozart and Gershwin)
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ReplyDeleteI know very little about autism, just what I have seen on television. It must be trying for families and I hope that a cure will be forthcoming. It does seem like a modern disease as, while growing up, I never knew of anyone with autism or had even heard the term. My husband has an incurable disease so I understand the distress when loved ones do not have perfect health.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts. It is difficult when there are no real answers, but all of us do the best we can. Just wish I could do more. At my age it is harder to participate in fund-rasiers, to volunteer, which i did in the past. But what we do is support my grandson's family 100%.
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