Saturday, April 14, 2012

M is for Marilyn or:


The Seven Year Itch 


Joe always hated his name. That is, until he found out that his beloved Marilyn had been married to Joe DiMaggio–imagine that, married to a "Joe;" she must have loved him, he thought. " Joe, Joe, Joe" she would have said, and through time, those words drifted over to him, resonated in his mind and became her words to him.

It was the white dress that did it. When he saw the movie, "The Seven Year Itch," and saw her standing over the transom, her hands holding down the white, accordion-pleated dress, as the skirt blew around her, her red lips parted in a huge smile, obviously enjoying the sensation. She was pure sex and he felt pure lust. He fell in love.

From then on she became an obsession. Her image engraved in his brain. Every photograph, every bit of trivia that he could afford, he carefully collected and displayed. Many evenings at home, he would rearrange his Marilyn memorabilia over and over again--photographs, books, dolls, so many things. His favorite was a Marilyn wall clock-- her legs were the hands of the clock, and some of the positions were quite erotic–his favorite ebay acquisition.

Sometimes, feeling especially lonely and vulnerable, he would stare at his favorite photograph of her–looking sad and lonely too. She understands, she knows how I feel, he thought.
 
There were times when a very strong feeling would come over him; it was hard to describe, it was as if he became someone else.
He opened his closet door. . . . . . . . .
 
Time passed.

 
The door of Joe’s row apartment opened, and a very attractive blond walked out. It was a warm summer evening and she wore a clingy, jersey dress that accentuated her curvy figure. Her makeup was carefully applied, the red lips accentuated into a pout. Was that a mole on her lower cheek? She walked down the street with small, sometimes unsteady steps, and disappeared into the night.





I wrote this for the Trifecta Writing Challenge a few weeks ago (no I did not win anything), but I liked this story, and am now thinking I might enlarge Joe's story into a longer piece of writing, but then again, perhaps not.  Would really like critiques from bloggers.

20 comments:

  1. I see that you are a woman and that you wrote this from a male point of view. Not bad. I wonder what men think your story? Does it ring true for them? Is it believable to them?

    It's your story. You can expand it and change it however you like. But as it is now, I am missing some information around the words 'Time passed', as well as, a hint of a 'back-story'.

    Why is Joe so obsessed with Marilyn? Does he have other contacts in life? Family or friends? Is he misunderstood by his family? His boss? Is he a loner? Or does he lead a normal life and hide his Marilyn-memorabilia? Has something magical happened why a marilyn-looking person appears. Or does he himself become Marilyn?

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    (Another wannabe writer)

    Anna's A-Z, the letter M

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    1. I was limited to 333 words, and the original story did explain the "why." He became Marilyn at the end, the reason for the "unsteady steps." But I appreciate the critique very much. I saw Joe as a very lonely person who replaced the people he did not have in his life with Marilyn.

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  2. Something was missing and it should be expanded so that the reader can get some answers especially p.o.v. Who is telling the story, Joe? Marilyn? Third party? Is it in past or present something that happened or didnt-'t. Keep me posted if you decide to expand, I'd like to read it.

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  3. Third person limited narrator. Hard childhood, lonely man, felt Marilyn understood him, so he became obsessed with her, so much so that he wore female clothes and became her. I guess I need to do some research on cross-dressers too if I do something with this story. I think stress/anxiety has something to do with cross dressing. Thank you for the critique, it helps.

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  4. Thank you for inviting me back to your blog for today's post.
    I like it. The subject matter is controversial in places but it has a niche market. I like Joe. I like how you get Joe to accept his name through a connection with his obsession.
    Well Done!
    Kate

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    1. Thanks, Kate. I think the photo I added for the challenge was confusing, note the first two comments. So I deleted it. I will let the words stand for themselves.

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  5. Really really like the story, the only issue would be with the ending. I'd like to see it expanded a little, 'row apartment' is a bit clunky. Joe's door would work quite well.
    Well done!
    XO
    WWW
    here from a-z and let me know if you rework it.

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  6. Thanks for your comment. I used row apartment because they are together and open right into the street, after a small set of steps. Condos don't usually work like that, and also to give it an "older" feel. Apartment doors can be inside and my idea was that Joe was a loner and would go directly into his place and walk directly outside.

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  7. I think this would be great expanded! His loneliness and devotion to a dead woman come through so clearly, and are rather heart breaking. Seems like he copes just fine, though. ;-p

    By the way, I had a most decidedly unsexy version of the white dress over the grate while in D.C. Whoops! I was just glad I was wearing underwear...

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse, co-host of the 2012 #atozchallenge! Twitter: @AprilA2Z

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    1. Wow, Shannon, is there a story there? My stories in the past have been about vulnerable women, so I thought I would try something different. And the idea of the surprise ending. But. . I am not a writer although I like to write. I am an appreciator of others writing. I never thought of publishing a book except the Hobbes book for my grand kids, that was fun.

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  8. Would love to see this as a longer piece!

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  9. Yeah, I enjoyed that movie, too. One of my favorites that she made. I probably saw all of them, since I was young at the time. (now nearly 79). Good post. Best regards to you. Ruby

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  10. This is a great beginning to what could be a very interesting story. You should continue with it!

    Jessica @ Simply Infatuated

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  11. Thanks, Jessica. Marilyn was magical; I don't know if any movie stars today have quite that vulnerable charisma.

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  12. Replies
    1. Tried to leave a comment on your blog which I think is funny and wonderful to read, but could not do it. Thanks for visiting mine and adding to the followers list.

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  13. I thought it was a great story all around. No criticism. Sometimes the brevity is what makes the story interesting. It left me thinking about who Joe was and, at the end, shocked that he became her.

    I once visited the cemetery where Marilyn is interred. My boyfriend took my picture next to her square in the mausoleum. Why in the world I wanted a picture like that is beyond me now.

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  14. Jen, it made me think of all of the sad and lonely people out there, who need to make a connection with someone and the story just evolved from there. For me, it's hard to think like a man; usually I write female characters and they are always vulnerable, which I suppose reflects how I see myself. Thank you for your comments.

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  15. I like the idea of this story, but I agree with those who've said it should be expanded. Rather than tell us he's lonely, maybe work in a scene or two of him being rejected by others? Perhaps on a date, the girl gets mad about being compared to Marilyn. Coworkers make fun of his obsession.

    I understood the ending where he dressed as Marilyn, but I didn't understand *why* he did it. Maybe because since he thought she understood him so well, he would try to find out what it was like as her? Perhaps if you expand your story, you can give us more insight into his motives?

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    1. Hi E.D. Thanks for your comments. This Marilyn story was written for the Trifecta Challenge and limited to 333 words, so I did cut the part of the unhappy childhood, the domineering mother, etc. And his hanging out downtown watching all the pretty girls. I could see expanding the middle, but I like the end because of the surprise element, but definitely more pathos in the middle. And no one knows about the cross dressing.

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